Emmett's Oh So Very Bright Idea
by shadowgrave22
Summary: The Cullens are trying to decide where to go on their vacation. Well, what about Emmett's idea?
1. Don't Cuss!

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or a yacht.**

**Emmett P.O.V.**

It was a Friday afternoon, and the Cullen family members were getting bored. Carlisle had the day off. Esme wasn't remodeling a house. Alice couldn't go shopping because she got banned from the mall. Jasper was bored and being emo as usual. Emmett was being stupid, but still bored. Rosalie was being a beeoch. Edward was hunting. Bella was just hanging out at the Cullen house, doing a Rubix Cube. That's when a idea occurred. "Hey, everybody!" Emmett yelled.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU _WANT _EMMETT!?!?" everyone said in synchronization.

"Why don't we go on vacation?"

"Dawg, that's straight up whack, dawg."

"Randy Jackson, how did you get in here?" Bella asked.

"My magic shoe lace."

"OHH!!!"

Emmett was upset. Nobody was listening!

"AHEM! VACATION?"

"Hey, everybody! I'm baaack!!!!!" Edward said in a creepy little voice.

"YAY!!!!" Bella screamed, and threw the Rubix Cube at my head. Sure, it didn't hurt my body, but it hurt my feelings. Tear, tear, and tear!!!!!

"**I WANT YOUR FRIGGIN' ATTENTION!!!"**

"Emmett, me haces tan enfermo creo que una vaca se va a reventar a través de mis pulmones." Said Jasper.

Everyone silenced.

"Good, now that I have your attention, I think we should go on vacation!"

"Where exactly would we go, Emmett?" asked Edward. He was such a know-it-all, the little meanie potpie face! **(A/N: Emmett! Don't insult Edward or I will tear you up and burn the pieces!!!!)**

"Dawg, where we gonna go, dawg?" asked Randy.

*In British accent* "Yes, where you dead-brain vegetable heads?" asked Simon.

"GOSH! SIMON! WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO MEAN!!!!?????" I asked.

"Because, I'm a mean old British geezer who can't get a date!"

"OH!!!!!!" said everybody but Spongebob.

"SPONGEBOB! GET THE FREAK OUTTA HERE!!" Bella yelled.

"No."

"Fine, but Squidward and Edward are cooler than you because of the ward in their names!"

"NO!!!!!!!!!"

"**I WANT YOU *BLEEP* ATTENTION! CAN'T I GET ANYONE'S *BLEEP* *BLEEP* *BLEEP* ATTENTION!?!?!??!?!"**

"Don't cuss Emmett." Esme scolded.

"**LET'S GO TO THE WHITE HOUSE!!!!!"**

"OK!!!!!"

So we all rode into the sunset on our way to the White House where we sparkled until we had to go buy some more glitter.

_To be continued…_

**LIKE IT? HATE IT? I CAN'T CONTINUE THE STORIES UNLESS YOU GIVE ME IDEAS! REVIEW! OR ELSE.**


	2. I'm sorry, Mr Lincoln!

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.**

**(A/N: Thanks for the idea Fanpire298!!!)**

**Jasper P.O.V.**

I didn't know why we were doing this. Oh, it's because Emmett gets whatever he wants just because he acts like a 5 year old! We were going to the White House for our vacation. I wanted to go to Antarctica, but no! Emmett wants to go to Washington D.C.! We checked into our hotel and rented a car. When we got to the White House, everybody was staring at us. Of course, we are drop dead gorgeous! We didn't even have to pay for the admission fee, Edward took care of that. Good thing it was a female tour guide. Anyway, I was still bummed about the whole White House thing, but Alice wanted to go-so…

"Welcome to the White House! My name is Alyssa; I'll be your Tour Guide!"

"Um, hi?" I sort of answered, sort of asked. Why was she talking to me?

"Anyways, the White House was established built between 1792 and 1800! Isn't that great?"

"Yeah, just dandy."

"Anyway, George Washington was the only president to never live in the White House. Isn't that great?"

"How is that great?"

"LOOK. I GET PAID 4 bucks an hour cut me some slack."

"Anyway… Blah blah blah blah…."

This lady is annoying! If we wanted to learn the history of the White House, we could go on the internet! An idea popped into my head just then. I was going to give myself a little tour. He-he!

"Pssst. Emmett. Psst."

"What?" he whispered back.

"Wanna sneak away?"

"Sure!"

"Come on."

While Alyssa was talking about where she got her manicure, we snuck to the next hallway.

"JASPER!"

"Shhh! We're gonna get caught!"

"_Oh, Jasper…"_

"What?"

"Let's go in here."

"The Lincoln Bedroom?"

"Yeah."

"Since when do you have an interest in history?"

"Since I heard it's haunted by Lincoln himself."

"Emmett, ghosts don't exist."

"HOW DO YOU KNOW?"

"Ugh, fine, let's go in."

We removed the DO NOT ENTER sign, and when we got in, Emmett looked like a kid in a candy shop.

"JASPER!"

"WHAT?"

"Say something Civil War-y."

"Why?"

"I want to see if Lincoln responds!"

"I FRIGGIN' TOLD YOU! HE'S DEAD!"

"JUST SAY SOMETHING!"

"Fine, um, I'm Major Jasper Whitlock of the Confederate Army?"

The room started to shake and Emmett started to yell. Maybe Emmett is right! Wow, I never thought I'd think that.

"JASPER, YOU'VE DONE IT NOW!"

"It's not my fault he holds a grudge!"

"Jasper…"

"What, Emmett?"

"I didn't say anything!"

"MAYBE IT'S LINCOLN!"

"AHHHH! HELP! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!"

"Technically, you're almost ninety, Emmett."

"SHUT UP!"

"JASPER!!!!"

"I'm sorry!"

"For what?"

"For being a confederate!"

"I don't care if you're a confederate."

"You're not?"

"No."

"Why?"

"BECAUSE I'M EDWARD!"

"Huh?

Edward climbed out from under the bed with a microphone and a voice warp machine.

"EDWARD, YOU FRIGGIN' SCARED ME!"

"I KNOW!"

"WHY?"

"I was bored without Bella."

"Well, why didn't you ask her to come?"

"She actually wanted to explore the White House!"

"Well, that's not my fault!"

"Fine, sorry I scared you."

"Yeah, let's just get back to the group."

But when we got back to the hallway, the group was gone.

"Where did they go?"

"OH NO! WE'RE LOST!"

"SHUT UP EMMETT!" Edward yelled.

"Let's ask someone."

We kept looking around the hall for someone to ask but nobody was there.

"Excuse me?" a girl asked.

"OMG! IT'S AMERICA'S SWEETHEARTS!" Yelled Emmett like an idiot.

"Yeah, I'm Malia, and this is my sister, Sasha."

"Oh, we know who you are!" I said.

"OMFC! Yelled Sasha.

"What?" asked Malia.

"IT'S EDWARD, JASPER, AND EMMETT!"

"Oh my freaking Carlisle!"

"Hey, girls, what's going on?" Asked Barack Obama.

"IT'S EDWARD CULLEN!"

"AND JASPER HALE!"

"AND ALSO EMMETT CULLEN!"

"Who are they?"

"OMFC, dad! You don't know who they are?" asked Malia.

"What's happening?" asked Michelle Obama.

"Apparently, Edward and Emmett Cullen, and Jasper Hale are our visitors." Said the President.

"OMFC! WHERE ARE ROSE, ALICE, BELLA, CARLISLE, AND ESME?!"

"They're on a tour of the place." Responded Edward.

"Well," said Michelle. "Go find them, we are inviting you to stay for a week!"

"WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!" said Barack Obama.

"We'll tell you at dinner, dad." Said the girls.

Uh-oh. Dinner? What's gonna happen?


	3. Jeans!

**Whoa, I haven't updated in a while. Well, better late than never.**

**Emmett's P.O.V.**

WHOO! YAY! The Prez invited us to dinner. Oh no. WE CAN'T EAT!!!!

"JASPER!"

"What. Do. You. Want?"

"WE CAN'T EAT!"

"We can, it'll just taste like dirt!"

"I don't like dirt."

All of a sudden America's Sweethearts come out of the shadows. Creepy.

"We can help you," said Malia.

"If you pay the price." Finished Sasha.

Jasper and I looked at each other. We nodded.

"What price, exactly?" Jasper asked. Sasha was going to speak, but Malia cut her off.

"Sasha, dear, let me do the talking." Sasha nodded and became silent.

"Now," she continued. "We will be willing to help you if you pay the price. We want you to convince our dad to let us wear jeans."

Jasper asked, "That's all?"

"Ha, you make it sound like it's gonna be easy."

"Well, why wouldn't it be?"

"Haven't you ever watched the news, Jasper Hale? The First Family NEVER wears casual clothing. We're always America's Barbie Dolls."

"I guess I could try."

"Excellent. We will meet you at dinner."

"Wait, how are you gonna help us?" I asked.

"Trust me," Malia whispered as Sasha looked at us with a trust-me look.

**Jasper's P.O.V.**

Casual clothing. If I asked Alice to let me wear casual clothing, she would yell at me and give me a long lecture about fashion. Oh, Alice. *HEAD DESK* I walked to the Oval Office, which was guarded by two Secret Service agents.

"HALT!!!!!" screamed the dude with the afro.

"SAY THE PASSWORD, YO!!! FOSHIZZLE!" said the one with the bikini on.

"Um, bacon?"

"Password denied." Mr. Afro said in a robotic voice.

"Um, afro dude?"

"Password denied."

"Chicken on whale blubber?"

"PASSWORD DENIED."

-THREE HOURS LATER-

"Dude, it's been three hours."

"PASSWORD DENIED!"

"Yo mama so fat when she jumped on Wal-Mart she brought the prices so low they was free!"

"PASSWORD ACCEPTED!"

Wow, ok. I knocked on the door and the president told me to come in.

"Mr. President?"

"Oh, hi, Jasper." He said glumly.

"Why so down?"

"The economy is suckish and it's all my fault."

"No it's not, it's Clinton's fault!"

"R-really? You think so?"

"I know so."

"Thanks Jasper. Oh, was there something you wanted?"

"Yes, actually. Your daughters-,"

"DUDE, STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTERS! IF YOU CHERISH YOUR LIFE STAY AWAY!"

"Why?"

"N-nothing. What about them?"

"They want to wear jeans."

"Jeans? JEANS? JEANS!!?!??!!?!?! #$#)($#)*$#() WEAR JEANS! WE ARE THE (U(#(* FIRST FAMILY FOR (#(#*(* SAKE! WE CAN'T WEAR (#*(*##(* JEANS!:

"Jeez, fine."

"Leave America, Jasper Hale. Leave and never come back!"

"Why?"

"Just kidding. It's dinner time, let's go."

-Dining Room-

There was like 820320320390293 trays of food set out. Chicken, pork, beef, etc… But what caught my mind was the _scent_. Something smelled delicious. I looked at Sasha and Malia and they just winked at me.

"So," the president said. "Jasper tells me you girls want to wear jeans."

"Yes, daddy!" said the littlest one. **a/n: I just like love using "the littlest one." **

"Well, ok!"

"THANKS YOUS!"

"But you have to speak proper English."

"Fine," they grumbled. He tried to get a glass of red wine but Sasha quickly took it from him.

"NO DADDY! I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET AIDS!!!!"

"What?"

"Nothing. Uh, here, let me pass out the wine." She looked at each glass carefully and passed out the fine wine. She gave Bella water, because we don't wanna know what would happen if she got drunk.

I sipped it and it tasted like deer. OH!!!!! IT'S BLOOD!!!!! OK!!!!!!

I guess the first daughters would get us through our week in the White House.

**R&R. Ideas for next chapter?**


End file.
